February 21, 2012
PAS 113B
Dr Broadous
White
and Gold: In Memory of Elizabeth Miranda
Elizabeth
Miranda, also known as Liz, is a seventeen year old Hispanic girl that lives in
Sylmar, CA and attends John F. Kennedy High School in Granada Hills, CA.
Miranda stands at 5’4 and weighing about 130 pounds with long brown hair and
glasses. Liz was born in Sacramento, CA on November 15, 1993 to Jose and Maria
Miranda. She then relocated to the Valley at the age of eight and attended
Hubbard Elementary and Patrick Henry Middle School. Miranda was the youngest
and the only girl out of four children. All three of her brothers dropped out
of school at a young age and her youngest brother joined a gang. Out of all
four children, Liz was the only Miranda that was on the right path and one step
closer to being the first Miranda to graduate from high school. Both of Liz’s
parents never had the chance to attend high school because they had to drop out
to provide for their family and they didn’t have the support Elizabeth had.
Since Miranda’s father dropped out of school and Liz was the only child to
attend high school, Jose Miranda was hard on his little when it came to her
education. Jose Miranda didn’t want his daughter to be a high school drop out,
follow his steps, and lead her down the wrong path. He wanted to provide Liz
with a role model he didn’t have as a child.
In the fall
of 2009, Elizabeth Miranda’s mother, Maria Miranda was diagnosed with a brain
tumor at the age of thirty-nine. Maria’s brain tumor was so severe that her
doctor gave her less than two years to live if it was treated. At the time, the
Miranda family couldn’t afford health insurance, so her treatment for her brain
tumor was put to hold. Since Elizabeth was the only girl, her mother prepared
Liz for her death so she was able to take care of the family. Although the news
Liz received was to much to handle for a seventeen year old, she remained
strong for her mother and matured overtime in order to be a role model for both
her brothers and father.
Throughout
Miranda’s high school years, she was enrolled into honor and AP classes. To be ahead
of others and preparing herself for college, Elizabeth began taking college
courses. She was an honor student and dedicated into making a future ahead of
her. Following her dreams to make her parents proud and becoming successful in
order to provide for her family is what Elizabeth Miranda strived for. Liz
goals were to attend the University of Santa Cruz and major in Journalism.
During
Miranda’s second semester of her junior year at Kennedy High School, she
realized that her health was changing. It became difficult to breathe and she
often had chest pains. Miranda’s health became unbearable that she often had
difficulties trying to move on her own. A few days later, Miranda’s ankles
became swollen and she was rushed to the Emergency Room. After tests were ran,
Miranda was diagnosed with a Heart Failure. Miranda was hospitalize for two
weeks while receiving treatment. Her Heart Failure responded quickly to the
treatment and Miranda received good news that her condition was minor and was
caught on time before becoming major. Miranda’s parents were horrified and felt
as if they put too much pressure on their daughter. Elizabeth was sent home
after five days of treatment.
Through her
conditions and all, Elizabeth Miranda didn’t let her weakness take control of
her strengths. As that role model Liz wanted to be for her family, having a
heart failure didn’t interfere with her future. Miranda didn’t want her family
seeing her weak and she knew she had to get back into school after being on bed
rest for a month. Her strive for success was stronger than before.
Elizabeth
Miranda began her senior year in the fall of 2012. Starting off this school
year, Liz pushed herself harder and joined extracurricular activities at
school. Miranda was a member of Senior Counsel and Student Government. She was
also the Student Body President at her high school. On her spare time, she
often volunteered to feed the homeless and donated clothes to the less
fortunate. Elizabeth had a warm heart for others and welcomes everyone into her
life with open arms.
At the end
of August, Elizabeth’s heart failure came back stronger than before. At that
time, Miranda was a fighter and did whatever she could to hold on. She tried to
hold on for her father and give him that opportunity to see his first and only
child to walk across stage and receive a diploma. It wasn’t until August 24,
2012 when Miranda posted her last status on Face book stating, “Drinking a cup
of ice tea in the backyard with my cousin, enjoying the breeze, and feeling sick.”
Elizabeth was rushed to the hospital the following morning and was in the ICU
(Intensive Care Unit). Two days later Miranda’s heart gave up and she took her
last breath while holding her mother’s hand. Miranda’s goals of becoming a
Journalists and a role model for her family were cut short. Although her desire
to graduate from high school and attend the University of Santa Cruz was lost,
her father was proud of his little girl for fighting through her struggles. As
a memory of Elizabeth Miranda’s death, she requested her fellow classmates at
Kennedy High School to wear white and gold in honor of her and her school
spirit. Miranda’s mothers last words were at her funeral was, “I always
prepared her for my death, but I never prepared myself for hers.” Elizabeth is
now in a better place, resting in peace.
Breana let me just say that you did an excellent job in expanding and creating your narrative. When I first edited your narrative it seemed to brief and short. You had very good points in your story but it seemed like you were only talking about one specific person and isolated the rest of characters in the narrative. I can see that you took much time in editing your rough draft and creating a great story line. The tone of this piece is gloomy but it delivered a very powerful message to your readers. The message you deliver throughout your story appeals many emotions. I loved your main character Elizabeth Miranda because she strives to fight for her own health to accomplish her goals. She becomes a very influential person who never quits and continues to fight until the end of her battle. I also noticed that in your narrative you had excellent word choice in describing your character in great detail. In your story you create a great background of Elizabeth’s life which helps the reader follow throughout your story. This allows your reader to create the story in his or her head. However, in you narrative I saw some punctuation errors and there are couple words you don’t need in your story. You did a great job on sentence structure throughout your narrative. Overall, great job you accomplished to make this story worth reading.
ReplyDeleteYou had an awesome story. As a reader, you kept me interested and entertained; I even teared up a little bit. The beginning was more of a description and you went from present to past to present. You had a couple of run on sentences, try using commas. For the most part your tone stayed the same throughout your story. You were very organized. Go back and proof read your story you forgot the word “girl” in the first paragraph. “That” is an extra word in the fourth paragraph. Try saying, “Miranda’s health became unbearable, she often had difficulties trying to move on her own.” Instead of saying “Miranda’s health became unbearable that she often had difficulties trying to move on her own.” Instead of saying “as that role model Liz wanted to be for her family,” say “that was the role model Liz wanted to be for her family;”. In the last paragraph rephrase it to say “in memory of Miranda”, instead of “as a memory of Miranda’s death.” I think you should end the story with her mother’s quote. But I loved your paper well done!
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